Milestones

For the last twelve years, sleep has come like an executioner. I struggled at first, before I learned to accept death, staring at the ceiling waiting for darkness. My brother Gabe died in his sleep when I was eighteen, and ever since I have had the irrational fear that I would go the same way. As of this week, I am older than Gabe was when he died. I didn't plan it, but all week, waking up in the morning, everything is brighter. I was totally unaware of the density of fear, anger, and hopelessness I had cultivated inside myself. Everyone deals with death in their own way, and it's taken me a while, but, I finally feel I can live and die on my own terms.

 Gabe Gonzales 1968-1999

I'm starting this blog as an experiment on myself. The fear and anger I've harbored have allowed my cynical, critical, and negative views of life to dominate me, and I feel this is a good time for change. I've ignored my natural talents, and failed to practice recognizing what good the world, and people, have to offer. I'm going to try and fill this blog with drawings, photos, and stories of things I love. In the process, I'm hoping to become enlightened, or at least waggle my middle finger at one less person per day.

Here are some sketches from the last year, and a few projects I'm working on.